Swimming Home
by Syolen
Summary: Kenshin dreams after the fight against Shishio, dreams while others struggle to keep him breathing.


**Rating:** G

**Summary:** Kenshin dreams after the fight against Shishio, dreams while others struggle to keep him breathing.

**Notes:** The original idea for this was born when I tried to reconcile Evanescence's beautiful song "Swimming Home" with the RK universe, hence the title. ^^

**Disclaimer:** A Kenshin is high on my Christmas list, which means that, no, the series isn't mine.

Swimming Home

There's noise all around you, people shuffling around. You can feel their tension and worry - you feel it warp around you like a too-tight blanket and it's suffocating; the pressure increases in cruel waves and you think you hear voices, whispered and hissed, but they only add to your discomfort.

This is when you realize that you are in pain, that it's roaring and burning you alive, and yet… distant. You slip in and out of consciousness and pretending to care becomes too much of an effort. You let your eyes close instead; ignore the sudden jolt of panic that cracks like a whip in the room at the motion - you just want to rest, to just sleep for a little while…

The dirt path climbed heavily, but the man wasn't tired. As far as he could tell, he had been walking forever, focusing solely on putting one foot in front of the other until the motion became hypnotic and everything else faded to background noise.

The path was a tricky one, too, narrow and full of rocks that were too easy to trip over. Walking demanded his whole attention. What lay ahead was of no importance right now; all that mattered to him was to keep climbing.

He eventually reached a plateau and, for the first time, allowed himself to look up at his surroundings. There was a village a little farther up the road. Terraced rice fields covered the hill he stood on. He could also make out orchards in the distance, and a few patches of green he guessed were vegetable gardens. There were other hills around him, also covered in rice fields or left untouched to the forest. Everything was quiet. He could see no one working in the fields, could hear no birds chirping in the trees, but it somehow didn't bother him.

Shrugging, he resumed walking towards the village. He would ask for a dry place to spend to nigh in, and then continue his journey come morning. Why he was traveling, what his destination was, he had no idea, but he knew that he never stayed anywhere for long.

He felt strangely hollow as he walked, light, as if he wasn't quite bound to the earth anymore. The feeling wasn't unpleasant. Yet something stirred within him as he got closer to the village, something he couldn't quite identify. He slowed down a little, just in case, but stopped abruptly when it finally clicked.

He had been there before.

A long, long time ago, in another life. He recognized the small houses huddled together around a bend of the road. _I… was born here_. The thought sprung with the strength of certainty; the epiphany shocking enough that he stumbled. It triggered more memories, sounds and smells and people but, before he had time to process it all, a door creaked open.

"It has been a long time, Shinta."

This voice, it shook him to the core and made his heart explode as he, reeling, breathless, stared at the woman who had spoken. Whatever had happened _before_, he knew he had longed for this voice, knew he had _craved_ her smile… She looked exactly as he remembered her.

"Mother…" His mind chanted the word. What could only be years of desperation made him run to her with just the faintest restraint to not throw himself into her open, waiting arms. Suddenly he was a little boy again; his arms barely reaching her waist as he hugged her. She fell to her knees and pulled him in her lap, holding him tight, whispered sweet nonsense in his ear, ran her hand in his hair.

Around them, the world held still.

He pulled away only when his arms began to tire, looked up into eyes blue as his own. It occurred to him that this couldn't be real, but thin tendrils of pain lingered at the edge of his consciousness and he did_ not_ want to go back to that, whatever it was.

Behind Kaa-san, he saw the familiar porch where a spinning top lay forgotten, the wooden walls that let the cold wind in during the winter and, inside, sitting by the fire waving at him were Tou-san and Nee-san. Shinta's heart leapt with joy as he recognized them, eyes and smile widening.

Giggling, his sister jumped to her feet and ran to the front door, followed by their father.

What a beautiful image this was, he thought. His family reunited at last after all these years.

As if reading his thoughts, Kaa-san disentangled herself from his grip and moved to stand by her husband and daughter, leaving him kneeling on the porch. "Would you like to come in?", she asked.

They all stood right in the doorframe and looked at him expectantly. Nee-san even extended her hand towards him, motioning for him to join them. "Come on!", she called. They all smiled, and Shinta felt himself move forward as if drawn to them. He had been truly happy with them, carefree, so why not go back? Except…

A thought crossed his mind, uninvited, and froze him in place. If he crossed that threshold…

"Why isn't he coming?", Nee-san looked at both her parents for an answer, but it was Tou-san who provided it.

"Because he has other people waiting for him", he turned to Shinta, "isn't it so?"

The boy nodded, unsure. He knew his father spoke the truth, and yet… he couldn't recall any other face or any name. Who _was_ waiting for him?

"That's right", Kaa-san added. "And if he comes with us, he will never see them again."

"Why not?" Nee-san wasn't buying it. In other circumstances, Shinta would have smiled - this was just like Nee-san, she had always demanded everything be explained to her in detail before she believed it. Stubborn and difficult to convince, that one. As it was, the same voice that had been whispering answers to him since he'd found himself on the dirt path spoke up again.

"Because I'd have to die", the voice prompted. It was clear to him, now.

Nee-san looked positively horrified, but his parents kneeled each on one side of him, a sympathetic smile on their lips. "It is your decision", Kaa-san said.

So that was what it had come to. He could cross the threshold and stay on the other side forever, be Shinta again, or he could go back the way he'd come to… what? Where?

"Tokyo." His head snapped up. His mother had spoken, but the voice wasn't right, and her eyes… they were the wrong shade of blue, darker, but still they too were familiar. She was staring at him, and yet he was sure that she wasn't really _seeing_ him. Shinta felt suspended in time. Tou-san and Nee-san's eyes too were looking in his direction but they seemed frozen in space, unaware of the sudden changes in Kaa-san. If he could just remember… Tokyo?

_Let's go home to Tokyo together_

"Kaoru-dono…", the name escaped him. Yes, he remembered her now. And Sano, Yahiko, and Megumi. He had come to realize that they too were family. They had followed him all the way out to Kyoto because they cared for him, because they wanted him to _know_ that much, and he had promised to go back with them. He had never wanted to leave them in the first place. They had brought more peace and comfort to his tired heart in a mere few months than ten years of wandering had. They were friends and brothers and sister and… and Kaoru-dono. Sweet, kind, strong Kaoru-dono who wore her heart on her sleeve and was terrified of being abandoned again. They all believed in him.

"You have decided, haven't you?" Kaa-san interrupted his musings. She was back to normal, his father and sister too. He looked back down at his hands that gripped his hakama tightly. They had been a boy's hands a minute ago, but now sported the calluses and small scars he knew so well. He lifted one to his left cheek, felt the cross-shaped scare there. His whole body felt older, heavier. No longer Shinta, he was back to his adult self, and his heart broke.

Leaning forward, he caught his mother in a tight hug, and then reached frantically for his father and sister's hands when they joined in.

"Will I ever see _you_ again?" Kenshin's voice was small, cracking as he held back a sob. He knew that even death was unfair, but actually experiencing it never got any less cruel.

"Yes, you will", Tou-san replied. "But not now. Now is time for you to live. And for that, you will need this." He leaned back slightly and, seemingly out of nowhere, presented him with the sakabatou. This was the point of no return. The second he touched it…

His head still against his mother's shoulder, his sister pressed against his side, Kenshin caught the sword firmly in his hand.

"Go back, son," Tou-san nodded approvingly, "and know that we love you."

You wake up in the middle of the night with tears in your eyes, your dream still fresh in your mind. You miss them. You'll always miss them. But this is where you chose to be. More importantly, this is where you _want_ to be. The roaring pain from before has disappeared, now dulled to a throbbing ache. A heartbeat, and it's in your head. Another, and it's in your stomach. Another, your shoulder. Another, the rest of you. It shifts back and forth, and past experience tells you that it will be weeks before you feel completely comfortable again.

But you'll heal.

Someone sighs on your left. Careful not to pull on still very sore muscles, you slowly turn your head towards its source, only to discover Kaoru-dono asleep on a futon next to yours. She is lying on her side, facing you. As your eyes adjust to the darkness, you realize that she is still wearing a kimono - she must have fallen asleep while she watched over you. The thought warms your heart, just like seeing her at Hiko's did, and convinces you that you made the right decision.

Weak as you are, you can still twitch your fingers and if you push a little farther… There. Hands brushing. Her fingers twitch slightly at the touch and inch closer, linking themselves with yours. _This_ is where you want to be.

Closing your eyes again, you relax into peaceful sleep.


End file.
